Lots of thing's have changed since I started blogging.
I created my first account over at livejournal when I was 15 years old, a confused litte teenager with so many thoughts and dreams but with a way too heavy backpack full of awfully bad memories and nightmares to carry.
Thing's have changed while others have remained pretty much the same 8 years later.

If someone would ask me if I'm happy now I would say yes. I am happy. I love life more than ever, and sure, life sucks, life is hard sometimes, but being alive, that is something that I've come to truly appreciate.
Feelings and emotions are there to help us through life. It's a balance between too much and too little I suppose.
I still consider myself a child in many aspects, I'm still immature, I do stupid things, I get too proud, I get misunderstood and I mess up.
But I've realized that this isn't something that's necessary restricted to youngsters. No matter what age you are you can still mess up, intentionally or not.
It's a fact that I've gone from knowing to understanding. That's the only difference.

I don't own the world, I don't understand the world, but I try to respect it and the people in it.

I think it's safe to say that I'm more settled in myself now than I was 8 years ago.
It takes time to heal, it's nothing that I could rush through, I just simply found myself putting one foot ahead of the other and kept walking forward until it got easier to breathe.
I still have bad days, it's going up and down, but I've been told that it's normal. Of course it is.
The truth still stands. I feel more safe and true to myself for every passing year, the nightmares are still here, the bad memories still linger, but little by little the puzzle pieces are falling into place and I am happy.

Love life, Live life.

Because the smiles that belongs to you is what gives me wings.

"I just want to reach out and grasp your hand.
Give you a permanent place in my world, share some of my colors, my joy in life."


To be able to see all of you whenever I can, to know,
that even if we don't meet each other that often,
that what we have now is something precious,
that what we share, is something that we will be able to bring with us into the future and smile upon when remembering, even if we at some point in time forget these moments.
Living on is the proof of our past, of what we've done, what we've created..
Life itself tells us about what we are and what we can become.

The stories we tell our beloved ones, the adventures of the past,
the happy memories and the sad ones.
Because no matter what happens tomorrow, what we have now is the truth.
Tomorrow might be important but what I treasure is the moments I have today.

If being alive is what we truly care about then so be it.
The aspirations, the goals that we aim towards in order to fullfill our hearts desires is what raises our abilities to improve, to survive in a world that is constantly changing but yet as well is frozen stiff because of it's habits.
The world won't change just because one single person is trying.
But it doesn't mean that the rest of us should stop giving our best as well.

Long time no see, dear old blog!

So, I did not plan to stay away from this place for so long as I did. But stuff happened IRL that made me forget a lot of things.
But to keep the story short again, I got sick and it took me forever to get my butt outside the door and to the doctors office, and from there it's been a rough journey to get better.
I don't really know what happened but I presume that I got over worked and my body kept attacking itself, which resulted in me turning into the Grinch with all the being in constant pain and getting a high fever twice a week.
I got me some anti inflammatory pills and now things are mostly peachy, I just need to take care of my body more and make sure I don't strain myself too much again(did that a few times so now I think I've learnt my lessons..)
But some days are better than others, and I keep a positive outlook most of the time ;)
The only thing that's really bothering me is that I lost ALL my strenght in my hands and wrists and I get clumsy easily. It's so annoying how quickly you lose it, but it takes AGES to get it back and if I use my hands too much it will hurt like whoa the day after.

But anyway, I'm awesome and life is awesome.
Right now I'm studying my second semester at Stockholm University, this time I took on the Korean language and I'm thinking about getting an education to become an interpreter, but we'll see, I keep changing my mind and it makes it hard for me to decide what I really want to do with my life.
Right now I have a serious desire to move abroad because I feel like I'm suffocating here, I want to change environment completely and maybe re-connect with myself. (Hahah I'm having a life-crisis and I'm only turning 23 in April..)

just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming, swimming, swimming~

oh why thank you

Did someone get an offer to work for two more weeks? Again?!
yup.
Is someone happy?
yup.

To celebrate(not really the real purpose of the get-together) some friends and I gathered and made okonomiyaki and yakisoba yesterday.
A real treat with eda mame and Asahi-beer.

8 for you and 8 for me~

Anna and I almost emptied the shelf buying these bottles, and the looks we got inside the store..
Two young girls dragging a basket full of beer bottles. Looking good~!

Will post more photos of the dinner party whenever I get the strenght to battle my old laptop.(I don't have photoshop on this laptop and I need to edit the pictures before they hit the internet.lulz.)

collecting experiences

Long time no see, this is the person who doesn't update her blog as diligently as she wishes she did.
So. Long story short.
I've spent the last 11 weeks working my ass off at a factory nearby.
From the beginning it was just supposed to be nine weeks but I got an extension for another three and so, I'm entering my last week come monday morning.

The reason I wake up every morning and happily goes to work is not because the stuff I do there is fun.
It's because of all the awesome co-workers who makes it fun.
Everyone has their bad days of course, but being able to greet them all in the morning, and being able to smile at them and laugh with my fellow partner in crime for the summer, makes me a happy camper.

Anyhow, reading my previous entry I couldn't help but snort.
Because I wrote that I would have to work extra hard not to spend the money I earn on flight tickets to japan, among other things.
No, no flighttickets to japan, but a spanking new laptop and mobile I could afford.
And also, I'll probably put down some money on tickets to hong kong and taiwan instead since I might go there in january.

Save money. Yah, I'll save money alrighty, for my trip to asia.
Suppose buying a new camera and a tablet is out of the picture for now.
Can't complain thought, I'd much rather travel somewhere with the peeps I love and collect memories.

oh sweet life, don't fool me so much anymore

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking B1?" 

"I think I am B2"

about a month old webcam pic is old.
So, one of my fabulous big brothers fixed my computer, which means that I'm back to spending way too much time on the net. (Having only two half-working computers didn't stop me much thought, so I can't really say "I'm back" or anything, since I didn't really leave.)

A.n.y.w.a.y.
I have one month left to live. No seriously.
My summer job begins next month and because of that I will have to bid  farewell to my social life and go into my usual pattern of work-eat-sleep.
I'm not complaining or anything, because I've done the same thing for the last 4 summers and know the drill by now, and I got the most wonderful companions who also spend their summers there.
So by all means, it's not a bad thing.
Especially considering the fact that I otherwise am an unemployed 21 year old leech, with no own income whatsoever, still living with á parent.

I will have to work so hard in order not to spend the money I will earn, on flight tickets. I.cannot.go.to.japan.
No matter how much I want to go back. No. There's a time and place for everything, and in this phase of my life, I realise that I should focus more on finding a real job and get some order in my life.
Althought it sucks. Majorly.

But I can be happy here in Stockholm as well. I have people I care about all over the planet, but most of them are here at the moment.
So I shouldn't hurry so much to get out of here, even thought I feel like I really need a change of location. Soon. Before I run mad.

The clock is ticking away and so is the night. If I can avoid pulling another all-nighter then so shall be it.
Staying up late trying to read old Vicious interviews in bad light makes no good fundation for a happy person.

snooze

Jobbcoach.. Min gode vän Ellinor påstår att det var ödet, men min jobbcoach har tydligen tidigare jobbat för ett företag som haft många förbindelser med Japans musikindustri.
Så efter vårt första möte i Måndags satt vi och pratade en stund om Japan och diverse upplevelser.
Han fick utan tvekan min "stamp of approval". Utav alla som fanns att välja mellan så lyckades jag faktiskt hitta en rätt schysst coach, iaf om man ska döma utefter första mötet.

Efter att ha varit eremit ett bra tag så har jag äntligen börjat känna att jag orkar vara runt människor igen.
Annat har det varit dom senaste fyra månaderna då jag bokstavligen har fått tvinga mig själv för att ens kunna sätta foten utanför dörren.
Det har inte hänt något speciellt, jag har helt enkelt bara mått dåligt av umgås med folk. (Take no offence friends)

Sommarjobb är ju kirrat tack och lov. Men har på något sätt blivit övertalad till att söka andra jobb ändå, annars hade nog inte det varit någon vits för mig att fortsätta gå till jobbcoachen kanske?
Har iallafall lovat att skicka in CV och personligt brev tills på Måndag men jag har bara kommit halvvägs..
Det är som att jag har en mental spärr inför allt som ens påminner om hemläxa just nu.
Jag har suttit och stirrat mig så grå på olika mallar osv att jag är redo att spy på allt.
Min lösning nu är att ta en paus, läsa en bok och sen fortsätta ikväll eller imorgon bitti.

Ska sätta mig och skissa på papper och se om kanske det blir enklare med penna i handen.

Måste höra av mig till AF också för den delen.. usch.. Ingen kärlek till dem.