Lots of thing's have changed since I started blogging.
I created my first account over at livejournal when I was 15 years old, a confused litte teenager with so many thoughts and dreams but with a way too heavy backpack full of awfully bad memories and nightmares to carry.
Thing's have changed while others have remained pretty much the same 8 years later.

If someone would ask me if I'm happy now I would say yes. I am happy. I love life more than ever, and sure, life sucks, life is hard sometimes, but being alive, that is something that I've come to truly appreciate.
Feelings and emotions are there to help us through life. It's a balance between too much and too little I suppose.
I still consider myself a child in many aspects, I'm still immature, I do stupid things, I get too proud, I get misunderstood and I mess up.
But I've realized that this isn't something that's necessary restricted to youngsters. No matter what age you are you can still mess up, intentionally or not.
It's a fact that I've gone from knowing to understanding. That's the only difference.

I don't own the world, I don't understand the world, but I try to respect it and the people in it.

I think it's safe to say that I'm more settled in myself now than I was 8 years ago.
It takes time to heal, it's nothing that I could rush through, I just simply found myself putting one foot ahead of the other and kept walking forward until it got easier to breathe.
I still have bad days, it's going up and down, but I've been told that it's normal. Of course it is.
The truth still stands. I feel more safe and true to myself for every passing year, the nightmares are still here, the bad memories still linger, but little by little the puzzle pieces are falling into place and I am happy.

Love life, Live life.

Because the smiles that belongs to you is what gives me wings.

"I just want to reach out and grasp your hand.
Give you a permanent place in my world, share some of my colors, my joy in life."


To be able to see all of you whenever I can, to know,
that even if we don't meet each other that often,
that what we have now is something precious,
that what we share, is something that we will be able to bring with us into the future and smile upon when remembering, even if we at some point in time forget these moments.
Living on is the proof of our past, of what we've done, what we've created..
Life itself tells us about what we are and what we can become.

The stories we tell our beloved ones, the adventures of the past,
the happy memories and the sad ones.
Because no matter what happens tomorrow, what we have now is the truth.
Tomorrow might be important but what I treasure is the moments I have today.

If being alive is what we truly care about then so be it.
The aspirations, the goals that we aim towards in order to fullfill our hearts desires is what raises our abilities to improve, to survive in a world that is constantly changing but yet as well is frozen stiff because of it's habits.
The world won't change just because one single person is trying.
But it doesn't mean that the rest of us should stop giving our best as well.

Long time no see, dear old blog!

So, I did not plan to stay away from this place for so long as I did. But stuff happened IRL that made me forget a lot of things.
But to keep the story short again, I got sick and it took me forever to get my butt outside the door and to the doctors office, and from there it's been a rough journey to get better.
I don't really know what happened but I presume that I got over worked and my body kept attacking itself, which resulted in me turning into the Grinch with all the being in constant pain and getting a high fever twice a week.
I got me some anti inflammatory pills and now things are mostly peachy, I just need to take care of my body more and make sure I don't strain myself too much again(did that a few times so now I think I've learnt my lessons..)
But some days are better than others, and I keep a positive outlook most of the time ;)
The only thing that's really bothering me is that I lost ALL my strenght in my hands and wrists and I get clumsy easily. It's so annoying how quickly you lose it, but it takes AGES to get it back and if I use my hands too much it will hurt like whoa the day after.

But anyway, I'm awesome and life is awesome.
Right now I'm studying my second semester at Stockholm University, this time I took on the Korean language and I'm thinking about getting an education to become an interpreter, but we'll see, I keep changing my mind and it makes it hard for me to decide what I really want to do with my life.
Right now I have a serious desire to move abroad because I feel like I'm suffocating here, I want to change environment completely and maybe re-connect with myself. (Hahah I'm having a life-crisis and I'm only turning 23 in April..)

just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming, swimming, swimming~